My First Friday Fictioneers – Perrito Saves The Day

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I sat under the wedding feast table, and my small girl held out a slice of bacon for me. I licked her little hand to say thank you. But then I could hear the man too, he was mad. The hand disappeared.

My girl’s feet didn’t touch the floor like all the others. And they swung back and forth; I lay down underneath them, in case she needed me.

And then, the woman in pure white lost something. She held out a tiny jewelry box for me to smell, and I found a little ring that matched the scent.

After that, I had all the bacon I wanted.

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This is my first attempt at Friday Fictioneersβ€”a story in 100 words prompted by a photo that Rochelle posts on her blog every Wednesday. I’m new to WordPress, new to linking things like this, so if something goes wrong here, please be patient…I’m still learning! Thanks : )

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45 thoughts on “My First Friday Fictioneers – Perrito Saves The Day

  1. I loved the POV, but I wouldn’t have got the story without your explanation above. I think this is a great idea, and the narrator was convincing and appealing. It just went slightly astray for me with the third paragraph. Full marks for the narrative.

  2. Welcome to Friday Fictioneers and WordPress! This is a cute story. I like the POV and who doesn’t love bacon. I too am a bit confused about the ring in the box. Without your comment, I wouldn’t have known the setting is a wedding. Perhaps you could’ve alluded to that somewhere in the story. I do hope we’ll see you again here. πŸ™‚

    • Thank you! I edited a bit at the beginning to reveal the wedding. I appreciate your suggestion πŸ™‚

      I’ll definitely do Friday Fictioneers again. My first try wasn’t a huge success, but I have honestly learned a lot with everyone’s suggestions on here.

      And that’s how my writing will improve… try, try again!

      • I wouldn’t say it isn’t a huge success. It’s a delightful story, and I like the unusual POV. I’ve written from some strange POVs, and I appreciate when other writers do the same. You brought a unique story to the FF line up this week. We’ve all written stories that don’t translate as well as we’d like. A little allusion is good in a story. Keep on writing! πŸ™‚

  3. Very interesting tale from the POV of a dog – I like! I’m reading Two Caravans (Strawberry Fields in the US) by Marina Lewycka at the moment, which is partly told from the point of view of a dog (in case you want to extend your expertise in this area!)

  4. That was SO CUTE. I could see some little chihuahua under the table thinking about those things. Very nice POV.
    For a first entry, you did well. Keep going and, if you want some help, just ask us.
    Congratulations!

  5. This was adorable! I knew immediately it was a dog, since it’s difficult to imagine a person licking a kid’s hand, even if it was holding bacon. Good on him for finding the missing ring—the reward is spectacular it seems, hehe. If I may offer a correction? “Underneath ‘of’ them” should simply be “underneath them”. Other than that, nice work! Welcome to FF! Hope you stick around πŸ™‚

  6. Like the others said, very unique POV and such a heart-warming story. Just a small correction, ‘laid down’ is past tense and your story is in present tense, it might be better to say ‘lay down’. Otherwise it’s just great.

  7. Dear Rachel,

    Welcome to Friday Fictioneers, one of the most addictive activities on the planet. πŸ˜‰

    That’s going to be one chubby Chihuahua with all of that bacon. Although it could use some tweaking to make it more understandable your story is good. Writing a hundred word story is a challenge. Keep at it. I look forward to reading more from you.

    shalom,

    Rochelle

    • Thank you so much!

      I am really impressed with this group of people. Honest and helpful and talented. My story is so much better with everyone’s comments and help (even though it still could use work). I appreciate having a forum like this. Thank you so much for starting it and keeping it going. πŸ™‚

      • You’re quite welcome. I wish I could take credit for starting Friday Fictioneers but I can’t. Madison Woods started it in September 2011. I merely adopted her baby when she gave it up. πŸ˜‰ I as so addicted myself I couldn’t let it go.

  8. Welcome to Friday Fictioneers! Good story. I also realized it was a dog’s POV because he licked the girl’s hand. It was a happy story with an ending to match and I enjoyed it. Well done. πŸ™‚

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